HOWARD STERN: THE TRUE SHOCKING STORY

The following is a true account of atrocities committed toward me by Howard Stern and Associates, and their consequences. This account Was intended to have been made public long ago, but I have met with many obstacles. Now, it is hoped that the reader will learn and heed the truth behind myth, gossip, and sensation.

In the early months of 1992, I had the ill fortune to become involved with Howard Stern's television show. Many myths have evolved since then which are necessary to explode, and set matters straight.

I, Suzanne Muldowney, am basically a dancer, having studied ballet as a teenager but performing freestyle choreography much like Isadora Duncan. For at least 20 years, a good part of my dancing has involved character portrayals. Along these lines, I have been portraying TV-cartoon superhero Underdog since '80.

When Howard Stern et al. learned of this, they enticed me to be on his television program, but before I had a chance to learn of its true nature. Until then, I had never heard of this man or the program!

Howard and his minions besmirched the good names of both the character and me by asking these questions:

• Does Underdog bark like conventional dogs?

• Does he belch?

• Does he excrete wastes?

• Does he lust after his girlfriend [Polly]?

• Does he fight with other superheroes for superiority or supremacy?

• Does my dancing depict him in any of these situations?

The answer to all of these questions is NO!!!

On two occasions I was asked: does Underdog use pep pills? The answer: Underdog never uses pills to become strong. The creators of the 60s cartoon series made him occasionally tire out from strenuous exertion and have to use a recuperative, though not in every story. (Consider how everyone automatically has a certain energy level and, once it's depleted, either takes time to rest or consumes something to "recharge the batteries" in a hurry.) The acting out of this recuperation is impossible to do unless a group of performers are acting out stories with me; I have always been a single.

How did the public respond to your appearances?

I became a laughingstock and an outcast.Numberless children, as well as adults, were deliberately perverse by repeating the same or similar obscene questions, or by cracking dirty jokes.

It was appalling that children had chosen to hop on this bandwagon. In my hometown, when I leave for work and have to go a few blocks to catch a bus, I pass a group of children awaiting a school bus. Before, these children never acknowledged me; now they were copying Stern & Company's examples! The oldest of these children were no more than twelve years! How could children have tuned in to this program? If this could happen in my own neighborhood, how many millions more, nationwide, could have been affected?

Two or three times there were delegations of preteen children to my door. They had spread rumors that I had been adulterous with Mr. Stern, and that Underdog was a lustful cad!

Essentially I was ostracized, not praised, by virtually everyone I knew.

Why would anyone want to create such filthy notions about you or your character?

I didn't know, until it was too late that this was the essence of Howard Stern venues: to make obscene jokes of virtually anything respectable, usually by borrowing or stealing an existing topic and then profaning it to an R or X rating.

BECAUSE HOWARD STERN COULD NOT ORIGINATE, BUT ONLY STOLE AND THEN VULGARIZED AND DISTORTED, HE WAS AN ALL-TIME PARASITE.

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